I have been called to ministry in China and that is without a doubt.
It's no question that our timeline here does not apply in Heaven, there is no such thing as time, just eternity.
I've had my heart set on leaving for China 6 weeks from now, for the longest time. So set that I have been dedicating myself for the past the past year to working more than any time in my life before this and to saving up every penny, just for this. I have found myself face to face with huge opposition. I've heard doubt, loneliness and fear over every aspect of this trip. It has changed form so many times I can't keep track anymore. Gone from a simple backpacking trip with a friend, to a mission with a few friends, to going alone. I have had more encouragement than I have ever imagined, been entirely funded and still and felt more anxiety about the trip than I can explain. The more opposition I find myself facing the more I am convinced that HUGE things will be happening for The Lord in China. That if it were meant for anything less than an earth shaking kind of movement for The Holy Spirit, that my opposition would have less interest in my desires and where I am headed.
Maybe this isn't my chance to go though. Rather a sling-shot into training and preparations. Maybe this encouragement has come to jump-start the growth of this seed in my heart. So it doesn't go un-attended and so I nurse this calling I have heard. Maybe this is where I begin, not go. Maybe these are investments God has put in my life so that I can sew them later and be more fully prepared, when I realize what it is I am truly sewing. Maybe this is just the beginning of something so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. Perhaps this is just my chance to see enough of Heaven to be so driven towards it's direction that I run full boar toward it, never taking my eyes off my goal but listening and waiting on The Lord. So that someday, when I hear the call I am ready to grab my bags and make my way. Perhaps that day is not today, nor 6 weeks from today or even 6 months from today.
I don't know, but I don't think I am meant to go this alone. I want a partner, I want a team...but I don't know.
Here's what I mean to ask. Pray for China. Pray to hear their needs, pray for my own clarity. I will go where I am called but what about when I don't know when this calling is meant to be fulfilled? Pray for me, and don't be afraid to let me know what your hear, because this is me asking.
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteOh how I love your heart! God must delight in you so, because I catch a glimpse of his delight over you in my own heart.
I am absolutely praying for direction for you and for the people God intends to go with you (maybe me!). I totally affirm that God has called you and will continue to lay out a path for your feet one step at a time. As difficult as it is to look ahead and not be able to tell how God's call will work out in your walk, He knows and He is right by your side even when you can't tell he's there.
Money and time and distance and safety, He is Lord over all of these and I just pray over you a blessing of circumstance; that God might make it clear to you through his movement in these practical matters what you should do tomorrow and the day after. When the duties ahead become blurry, that's the best time to focus on whatever duties we can see and through those little obediences, we draw closer to him and hear and see him better.
I will be doing just that along side you (even as I'm far away) and listening for His heart for me and you and China.
Love you Lady!
Reb
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to you on the subject of being called to ministry. Or being called anywhere, I've walked with lots of people through callings to certain schools or jobs etc.
But every experience is as unique as your individual relationship with God.
That said, there is still a huge role for the community's voice in your calling, and I think you've tapped into that.
If there's one thing I've experience about calling ... it's that it's on purpose. But it may lead you somewhere other than what you first imagined. The best we can do is pray pray pray and make a leap of faith. I am a strong believer that God is upfront with us, there are no tricks or deceptions with Him. Don't worry about figuring it out, you probably already know what you're supposed to know.
I love you and believe in you! Wherever this journey ends up, I'm so glad that you are picking the lessons up on the way.